Talking 'bout a Resolution

That's a kookaburra I saw on my walk this morning. They're a type of kingfisher and have a wicked sort of laugh when they make a noise. Even with all the parrots, cockatoos and other birds around here, these are my favorites, and it was fun seeing it.

OK, enough stalling. I promised New Year's Resolutions for yesterday and here it is today and I am writing about birds instead of ways to improve myself in 2009. I am pretty sure that this is surprising no one who knows me. I am hardly known for my rigorous attempts at self-improvement. But a deal's a deal. So here goes.

My New Year's Resolutions

1. Avoid the Lures of Retirement

After three months of retirement, I am perhaps enjoying it too much. Not having anything to do really does have its appeal. Of course Linda would suggest that being retired and not having anything to do aren't exactly the same thing, but that's another discussion.

However, I am aware that perhaps I am embracing the lifestyle a little too vigorously. My first clue was when Linda asked - quite seriously - if I was going to become one of those weird old guys with no hair on top of their heads and a long pony tail down to their butt. I think this question arose when she realized I haven't had a hair cut since, well, some time before I retired.

So just to make sure I don't become a latter day hippie, I am adopting these resolutions, all subsets of #1.

1A) If I shake my head and hair gets in my eyes, I will get a hair cut.
1B) At least once a week, I will wear a shirt with a collar, if only for a few moments.
1C) I will wear socks at least once a week, also. And that doesn't include the little sockettes that I wear with sneakers. However, it will not be necessary to wear socks and shirts with collars at the same time.
1D) To avoid falling in a rut, I will not follow the same routine every morning. Today, for example, I fed the cat before I made the coffee. Tomorrow, I will make the coffee first.

2. Start the South Beach Diet for the Seventh or Eighth Time

I love the South Beach Diet except for the fact that I can't eat the food I like or drink booze for the first two weeks. But it does make me lose weight, undoubtedly because I can't eat the food I like or drink booze.

Anyhow, I am going back on it. You can tell because I have been carbo dumping for the past two days, eating breads, crackers, pasta - anything made of flour. If it weren't for the fact that I am gimpy, overweight and out of shape, you'd think I was getting ready to run a marathon.

And of course, there is the interesting issue that every time I go on this diet, I eventually go off it and return to my original weight. I am not sure why I choose to go through the pain of dieting one more time knowing its benefits are almost surely going to be temporary, but I think the ability to think in this way is part of the same gene that contributes to overeating.

3. Write Letters to My Friends Whom I Haven't Been in Touch With Lately

This was my New Year's Day project. It is now January 3rd and I've obviously had to revise the time line. I hope to do it some time by the end of the month. But I am realistic. If I just get some of it done eventually, I will be happy.

4. Prioritize the Three Resolutions in the Order in Which I Will No Longer Do Them

I am not being fatalistic about all of this, but after 60 years I am realistic. But now that I've laid these out for all to read, I not only will feel guilty about not living up to them, but I will be embarrassed as well. So I need to figure out which goes first. It will probably be based on which is the least embarrassing to admit.

Anyhow, progress reports as the New Year rolls on.