Between Singapore and Phuket

So here we are all at sea, working our way from Singapore to Thailand.

This used to be the most notorious part of the world for pirates, but they're out of fashion here now. Apparently the tsunami wiped out about 80% of the pirate fleet and the combined governments of Indonesia, Singapore and Malaysia made quick work of the "lucky" ones who didn't get wiped out by Mother Nature. But don't worry, later on we're sailing into the area that is the new reigning champ of piracy. But I will write about that as we get closer. (And I did mean don't worry. The security in place makes American airports look easy - from the bad guys' perspective.)

Because this cruise is 24 days, we came aboard with some fairly firm resolutions about what we needed to do. First, we weren't going to drink too much. Second, we weren't going to eat too much. Third, we weren't going to go to the casino. Fourth - and this was just my personal one - I was going to re-start my exercise regimen which has gone by the wayside since we became homeless.

Now, I know there are those among you who are raising your eyes in incredulity wondering how long these resolutions can possibly last given my nature (and frankly, my darling's nature as well). Well I am pleased to report to those cynics that 24 hours after boarding the ship we haven't even begun to consider actually living up to our resolutions yet. But I still have 23 days before I begin to feel guilty about it.

It's just too hard not to have fun here on the ship. We keep running into old friends and how are you not going to have a drink with them? Well, OK, they won't be old friends until we've known them a bit longer, but really I can see that they are going to become old friends in no time at all.

The food is too easy to enjoy, although we haven't really overindulged yet. For one thing we both realized that they took all their supplies aboard in Singapore, so we've decided that the first week is the time to eat the salads and other things that might start looking a bit past the use-by date in a couple of weeks.

As for the casino, well, we won a little bit last night, so doesn't that justify ignoring our resolution? I'm pretty sure it does.

But we have been serious about addressing the length of this cruise and the large number of days at sea. There are some things we have decided to do on the ship that we haven't done on our cruises before.

LK has already bought a cruise-long pass to the pool at the Astral Thalasso Spa. (I think thalasso is a Greek word meaning "extract extra money from tourists") I may even buy her a spa gift or two. I know she has always been interested in one of those massages they do with hot rocks. Might get that as a gift for her. I see that the Elemis Aroma Stone Therapy is 75-minutes long and costs $195. Apparently they heat the rocks, pour scent on them and bung them on your bare skin at the rate of $2.60 a minute.

Or perhaps, looking through the brochure, there may be some others that appeal to her.

I could save $70 off the hot rocks and give her the Elemis Body Sculpting Cellulite and Colon Therapy. That lasts 75 minutes, too, so she won't get shortchanged on the time. It sounds pretty comprehensive, too. The brochure says, " A detoxifying body mask is combined with specialized drainage massage techniques to break down fatty deposits, cleans the digestive system, eliminate toxins and improve texture of the skin." Actually, I'm thinking that might be good for me. Don't know if they have a body mask big enough for me, but I would love to see if one of those pert blondes at the spa was in the mood to give me the specialized drainage massage. And believe you me, they would find out what it means to eliminate toxins.

I suppose if I give LK the Body Sculpting Cellulite and Colon Therapy, I should also ante up the extra cash and throw in the Ionithermie Cheek Lift Treatment. As the brochure says, "This acclaimed treatment will help to your buttocks a lift, while firming and toning the skin." Ah, the Perfect Woman - with beautifully toned butt skin and a squeaky clean digestive system. How could you not fall in love?

Oh well, plenty of time left for LK to take advantage of these wonderful treatments. For tonight, we've come back from a brief afternoon play in the Luxe Casino and are having cocktails in the room listening to Joe Jackson before heading out to dinner in two hours at the Aqualina Specialty Restaurant. I promise not to eat or drink too much. And I guarantee we won't even think of going to the casino afterwards.

Well, you'd better consider that an intention rather than a promise.