T - 45: Vanity Fare

WHAT I SEE EVERY DAY.............. WHAT I HADN'T SEEN


I knew I was bald. It's hard not to notice when your comb slides straight across your forehead to the back of your head. But until yesterday I hadn't noticed that I was losing even more hair in the back of my head.

Believe it or not, when I saw that picture of me taken from the back, I immediately thought, "My God, I'm losing my hair." I know that may seem stupid since I had obviously already lost an awful lot of it, but nonetheless it was my first reaction.

That surprised me because I don't normally think of myself as a vain person. I think anyone looking at me would have guessed as much. Besides the likelihood that my shirt will have a grease stain in the middle of it if you catch me after lunch, there's the even more obvious fact that I am the man most likely to get the word "plus-sized" applied to men as well as women.

Actually, when it comes to making yourself look good, I don't think a man's concept is quite the same as a woman's. In our shower, Linda and I share the shampoo and the soap. The other 12 containers aren't mine, although most have to do with hair so that may not be a fair comparison. If we go to the sink instead, we share toothpaste and mouthwash. I have a razor and toothbrush there. Linda owns the other 15 tubes, cans and containers.

OK. I will readily agree that she looks much better than me. (We won't go into the times when people assume I am her father.) But I don't think I could even keep track of 27 various products as I get ready to face the world in the morning.

Several years ago, Linda convinced me to go metro and I started putting this men's moisturizing lotion on my face. I liked it so much I got a couple of extra jars. They're still on the shelf because I stopped doing it about two weeks after I started.

That extra 45 seconds each morning started to seem like it was adding too much time to getting ready. Besides, what do I care if the skin on my face is smooth. It's certainly not going to help me look any better.

On the other hand, after looking at that picture, I am starting to wonder if a comb-over might not just do the trick.