Retirement Interrupted

We are here in Lisbon at my final company meeting. That's the spectacular view of the city and harbor out of my window. We had a bit of a walkabout on Sunday before the meeting began but very little was going on here on Sunday. We will check the city out more fully on Thursday after we get through this meeting, which is becoming the psychological equivalent of a blockage in the lower region of my mind.

I worked on the agenda, chose many of the speakers, travelled 32 hours to get here, have chaired two panel sessions, hosted two of the general sessions and conducted half a dozen video interviews with various speakers.

I wish I cared just a little bit.

I retired less than three weeks ago and I am here this week because it would be irresponsible to hand off such a large event to someone else so close to the date. Besides, prior to retirement, I thought it would be no big deal to put in a couple of days this month to finish a project that had taken months to organize. I had underestimated how quickly and how fully my mindset would shift to another mode once I was no longer working.

For the past year, I have had a running joke with the people who worked for me and with David, my long-time friend and, for the past couple of years, my boss. TITSWC, I would say to them when they described a problem, an idea, or even a bit of gossip. That's pronounced tits-double-you-see, by the way, and of course it stands for Tell It To Someone Who Cares.

We all had a laugh when I first used it, although I noticed David wasn't finding it funny toward the end of my time as our results started to look like I might have really meant it all along. But the fact is I didn't mean it even in my final weeks, when there really wasn't much to do but figure out what to throw out and what to leave for someone else to throw out For even then I really was still interested in even the small details of what was happening to the company.

But not today. TITSWC isn't a joke, it's a full-on plea.

Today I listened to speakers tell about ideas that could make huge profits for the company. Tell it to someone who cares, I kept thinking. Tell it Davy, to Linda, to Susan and Jess and Pascal. But please don't make me listen to it.

I chaired two panels dealing with topics that were on the agenda because earlier this year they had been very important to me. The panelists had great ideas and insights, and I was able to keep the session lively with my questions. And all the time I am sneaking peeks at other people's wristwatches so no one would realize I just wanted this to be over. Pleeeeeease end this session, I was screaming inside. I really, really, really don't care about what you're saying. Hey guys - TITSWC!

But of course, it wasn't that they weren't interesting. It's that they weren't interesting to me anymore. Or maybe it is that they really are not interesting, and I am just not kidding myself anymore. Or, as you're probably thinking at this very moment. TITSWC.

No matter, when Thursday morning rolls around this three-day interruption to my retirement will be over and that will be that. I won't have to think about the business anymore and probably won't as we wander off on a European holiday.

This conference will fade into a distant memory soon enough. About the only thing left to do will be to find out how I did on the ratings the attendees gave for those panel sessions I ran. I won't be very pleased if I don't get top marks.