Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Assault with a Deadly Walker

My parents may have been part of the Greatest Generation, but those of us born during the post-War Baby Boom are about to become the Grayest Generation. Having spoiled our kids throughout their lives, we are about to give them the greatest gift of all - us!

The US Census Bureau predicts that the world's over-65 population is going to triple during the next 40 years. In parts of Europe, three out of 10 people will be senior citizens by 2050. It will be a world full of old people. And based on how we've acted before becoming seniors, I think it's a pretty safe bet that it will be a world full of old people who are going to get whatever we want.

Of course it will put an enormous strain on the pension and health systems, but does anyone really think we will care so long as we get what we want? Society will have to make choices between education for the young and programs for the elderly. Thank God for democracy as we should be able to control enough votes to make sure things go our way.

We will still be around when our kids retire, and we will teach them every trick we have learned so they can get what they want, too. Unless, of course, they want our stuff, for most of us will exhibit the same restraint we have shown our whole life. Which is to say, there isn't likely to be a lot to fight about in the will. In fact, I know someone who is thinking about developing an online calculator so people will know how much to spend to ensure they empty their bank account just about the last time they empty their bladder.

Oh, and one other thing. Don't mess with us.

The Telegraph in London carries an interesting news report out of Germany this week. It appears some pensioners, nicknamed the Geritol Gang, took their revenge on a financial advisor who had lost lots of their money.

It all started when two of them attacked the head of the investment firm outside his home with a walker. They beat him and bound him with duct tape. He does, however, report, "It took them quite a while because they ran out of breath"

They threw him in the trunk of an Audi, drove several hundred miles where they imprisoned him in a basement where a couple of retirees joined them to physically punish him for losing their money.

In the end, he tricked them into letting him send a fax to get the money. They didn't notice he had written "Call police" on the bottom of the fax (probably wrote it very small). Eventually, the SWAT team showed up - with a slight difference. As the report tells it, the armed commandoes comprised "forty police, accompanied by a doctor in the light of the captors' infirmities."

Not that I approve of kidnapping and torture of financial advisors who lose millions of your dollars, but I am going to check if there's a martial arts program I can use with my Wii. Long live Gray Power.

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