Saturday, July 4, 2009

The Official End of the Toaster Posts

My toaster has come home at last. Apparently it had been caught in a tornado and whisked away to a mysterious land where it fell to earth, in the process landing on the head of an evil witch. As they say, that witch was toast.

After many adventures with wizards, witches and flying monkeys, it finally learned how to click its crumb tray and say "There's no place like home. There's no place like home." And it magically reappeared at the house.

Hey, since this is officially the last time I will ever post a blog about that damned toaster, I figured I should at least make it a good story. I had thought about basing it on Lassie Come Home, but Linda always cries at that movie and I want this to be a cheery post.

Actually, last night when I finally got it back I would have probably believed that bit about the witches and wizards, given the champagne, martinis and wine that had come before. The story is much more mundane. LK, apparently tiring of one-side-soft toast, had brought it into work where Andrew and Steve fixed it.

So last night, at a fun dinner Davy hosted to celebrate Linda's and Cheryl's retirements, Andrew got up to give Linda a farewell gift, and there was the toaster. That's Andrew in the picture, and I have to tell you that the focus is just about what I was seeing by that time last night, as well.

When I asked them if it had been difficult to fix, both Andrew and Steve seemed to hesitate, then they finally admitted that it was difficult. I felt vindicated until Steve clarified that it was difficult because I had totally destroyed the nut that had to be removed.

Andrew then went on to tell everyone how he had had to come over to the house once and help me change a light bulb because I couldn't figure out how to get the overhead lamp thing off. Which of course, does beg the question of how many Dons does it take to change a light bulb. (And, I suppose, just what that overhead lamp thing is actually called because clearly I don't know. Or is it somewhat mystical and if you don't know what it's called, it won't let you figure out how to remove it?)

But I stray so back to last night. LK may have got the toaster repaired but I got the real gift because AG gave me the tools I will need to fix it myself if its element ever needs replacing again. It's a socket set, only they're much smaller than the ones I had shelled out for. I didn't want to appear ungrateful so I didn't tell him that I have discovered an even better tool for the next time it breaks. It's a small plastic card with numbers on it, and you just have to type them in at an online store. Then be the one who answers the door when the new toaster gets delivered, and LK will be none the wiser.

Anyhow, it is good having the toaster back. Of course, we celebrated its return by having toast this morning.

I don't want to hurt Andrew and Steve's feelings, but it's not working all that well. Both sides of the bread turned brown, and I don't think you can make one-side-soft toast in it anymore. Oh well, they tried.

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