Welcome to my last two weeks of gainful employment. I am choosing the background music for my farewell ride home from work. Obvious choices have been "Take This Job and Shove It" or "I Ain't Gonna Work on Maggie's Farm No More", but given the economic news today I'm leaning toward "Buddy, Can You Spare a Dime?"
One thing is certain. No matter what happens with the global economy, retirement is bound to impose new rules on our personal economy. I am quite sure it will spell the end of our spendthrift ways.
Spendthrift is one of those words that just doesn't sound like what it means. To me, it seems like it should mean thrifty spending, not extravagant waste. No matter, it's a pretty good word to describe some of the stuff we have acquired. Doubt me? How about a $45 cup of coffee, a $20 loaf of bread, a bicycle trip averaging $175 a mile.
Oh, it's not that we actually spent $45 for a cup of coffee. It would need a quart of Johnny Walker Black in it for me to cough up that much. But that is how much a cup of coffee averaged after we bought a cappuccino machine and stopped using it fairly quickly when it all got too hard.
Our house is full of these white elephants. I am not sure what possessed me to buy a trouser press. History proves it certainly was not to press trousers. I know why we bought the KitchenAid food processor and blender. I am just waiting to see if we will ever use them. Probably while we listen to the mini-CD player if we ever get any mini-CDs.
No, this retirement thing is coming too fast and it is time to end the waste. This week's list is about our White Elephants. We will either start using them or send them to the white elephant burial ground known as a garage sale. Here are five action items needing a tick in the box.
1. Item: An espresso and cappuccino machine. Works well. Missing the little piece that tamps down the coffee.
Why keep: It makes really good coffee.
Why sell: Linda doesn't like espresso and I don't like cappuccino.
Decision: Sell. When we bought this for several hundred dollars, we forgot that we don't drink much coffee.
2. Item: A bread maker. Good condition. The loaves it makes are kind of on the small side.
Why keep: The smell of warm bread when you wake in the morning.
Why sell: The South Beach Diet.
Decision: Sell it. To hell with the South Beach Diet. Use the money to get another one that makes bigger loaves.
3. Item: Hands-free telephone car kit.
Why keep: Hands-free driving and talking.
Why sell: Hands-free talking and driving. As Linda will gladly share, I have enough trouble paying attention to traffic as it is.
Decision: Sell it. Since I bought it four years ago, I haven't once wished I had installed it.
4. Items: A man's and a woman's bicycle (the latter with a bell and plastic ribbons in the handles). Ridden a total of 10.5 miles while going to wineries in the Hunter about 10 years ago. Tires need inflating.
Why keep: Exercise is good.
Why sell: Five years ago we sold the car with the bicycle rack attached (used once).
Decision: Keep. If I ever get around to assembling the bike I bought Lily eight months ago, we can go pedaling together.
5. Item: Treadmill. The whole deal with lots of dials and a heart monitor. Barely used (of course)
Why keep: Exercise is good.
Why sell: Detect any trends here?
Decision: Sell. With so much more free time it's easier, cheaper and more interesting to just hoof it outside. Besides, isn't the point of retirement to get off the treadmill?
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