There was a disturbing news story yesterday. "Exercise Can Overcome Obesity Gene" ran the headline on WebMD. The story went on to report that even people who are predisposed to being fat can lose weight if they move their dimpled butts. I doubt if the researchers were too surprised by their findings, since most of us plus-sized people have more or less suspected this for quite a while. We were just waiting for scientific confirmation.
Nonetheless, it is inconvenient to so quickly lose a major excuse for being overweight. The discovery of the fat gene only became news a few years ago, and instantly it was just that little bit easier not to feel guilty about no longer fitting in the clothes I had bought when I could no longer fit into my other clothes. I was never tested for the fat gene, but I was working on the assumption that I was a high probability case. After all, when my folks used to visit me in Florida 25 years ago, we would go to a restaurant and book a table in the name of the Plump Family. None of the staff ever batted an eye.
To now know that I must bear full blame for the shape I am in is disheartening. The one glimmer of hope I hold is that this particular study was conducted among Amish people, so it may only apply to gentle people with beards and straw hats. But I doubt it.
There are lots of bad things that happen when you're overweight, but one of the few benefits has been a general feeling of euphoria when I go back to the US. Here in Sydney I tend to stick out - literally and figuratively - as the heaviest person around. But in America, I am back with my own kind, just one more chubby in a land overflowing with chub. I am almost never the heaviest person around.
There really aren't too many other benefits to being so big. We don't even get our own stores, but have to share them with the Tall Guys. I suppose if David Duchovny were to get really, really fat, it would help him cure his sex addiction, but I'm not sure you'd call that a benefit.
Probably some of the few good things come in a left-handed compliment sort of way. If you're dancing, all you really have to do is shuffle your feet, wave your arms and jiggle. You look fairly active, and you can see that people are thinking you're pretty graceful for a fat guy.
No, I guess now that I have lost the best excuse ever, I am going to have to get serious about this exercise stuff when I retire. In the meantime, I will still enjoy that other benefit of being a big guy - when Linda cuddles in bed and calls me her Chubby Hubby.
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